The Absent Feminist


I have a confession to make….there’s a feminist shaped hole in my life and no, I’m not talking about the lacking of a special woman in my life! I am, however, talking about my inability to really grasp the feminist nettle.

I regard myself as somewhat intelligent but when it comes to feminism, I am a lost soul in a sea of lentils! There are so many new words to learn for a start. My foggy CFS brain struggles with processing any information other than ‘get out of bed’ or ‘cook dinner’ – sad but true.That’s not to say that I am not interested in learning, I really would like to jump feet first and soak up all the knowledge. But where do I start?

Here’s a little list of my struggles:

  • Cis, trans, binary, non binary, structural, misogyny, misandry, MRAs ….Help! I’m still learning what all these words mean and tie myself up in knots trying not to offend anyone.
  • Our bodies: women should be able to do whatever they like with their bodies but then again, I don’t like Page 3….I don’t like walking past so called gentleman’s clubs with my children. I respect a woman’s right to choose to use her body for work and yet it bothers me. Should it bother me? I don’t know :/ You see, it’s not so easy is it?
  • Do my views matter? As I am not a famous academic, a celebrity or high profile campaigner does my voice still count? I’m not sure it does and I certainly feel left out of feminism. It actually hurts me to say that. 
  • I don’t hate all men and want them all dead……..*hides*. Yep, there are a lot of shitty men out there but I also know decent ones, my dad is a very good example of a decent man. I could never hate him because of his gender, I love him. No doubt someone will tell me that I am missing the point.
  • I want to help to ‘smash the patriarchy’ if only I knew how to. I’m guessing a sledgehammer is not what is required……


I so want to think of myself as a feminist. I love women. Women are amazing. Seeing other women go through pain caused by abuse, poverty, injustice, sexism etc is just soul destroying. That is something I care about, that is something I would like to do something about. I’m just not sure that anyone is listening.


But I will always offer love, tea and hugs to ALL my sisters,



4 thoughts on “The Absent Feminist

  1. You have just said exactly what I feel about feminism I just don’t seem to fit anywhere and feel that it’s only for the university types as half the time I don’t have a blooming clue what people are on about and when you ask you just get nasty remarks back about google it or something similar. Then when I do google it I still don’t understand and feel even more stupid. So I just tend to watch from the sidelines. As for men my dad and grandad where two of the biggest influences in my life who taught me there is nothing I can’t do so there is Noway I could ever hate them but like you I may be getting the wrong end of the stick.

  2. Debeneesse

    The problem & strength of feminism is that it does not prescribe one way of thinking. At it’s best this inclusive plurality re-address an immoral imbalance within most human social and cultural structures, that leave out more than half of the population. At it’s worst it’s many voice offers no cogent and coherent moral position which leaves a gap for less female friendly policies to develop and allows exploitation to continue .

    It would be fair to argue that this is a male perspective of feminism, I am male. Also my interest is most often focussed on ethics were feminism does offer some very good perspectives (and arguments) on care, equality and duty.

    Anyway I hummed and hawed weather I should comment & ended up saying I intended so I’ll stop.

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