Post break-up spring clean list of things to do


I’m not sure if anyone else does this but I find it a necessary process so here are my ‘must dos’. Feel free to add your own 🙂

1. Delete all photos and videos. Block them off all social media.
2. Throw away any items they may have left behind like a toothbrush or t shirt.
3. If you’re thinking ahead, leave any stuff they gave you at their place (see photo).
4. Throw away any items they bought for you, give to charity or keep them if they really are quite useful (like an amplifier and speakers for instance).
5. Ignore all calls and texts no matter how much they bleat at you.
6. Get a hair cut and buy new underwear. Throw away any clothes that have special significance.
7. Bleach the house from top to bottom so that any trace of their DNA is destroyed and permanently removed from your residence. And vacuum vacuum vacuum as they leave a hell of a lot of hair everywhere.
8. If you’re that way inclined, have an exorcism performed. I prefer a pagan cleansing ceremony …..
9. Wash bedding and if funds allow, buy a new bed and mattress. It makes all the difference believe me.
10. Remove nail varnish and cut nails (if you were wearing any when you split up).
11. Delete any music they gave you because let’s face it, you were just humouring them when you said you liked their taste in house music.
12. Throw away any condoms unless said boyfriend decided to take them just in case he needed them later ……
13. Deep clean the washing machine, dishwasher and descale the kettle.
14. Throw away any toiletries that may have escaped the previous sweep – like that bar of soap in the shower you forgot was there.
15. Go see that special Dr who erases them from your memory forever (I may be confusing reality with a movie here ….).
16. Block them off your eBay account, email and phone. Cancel any eBay purchases they may have been in the process of buying …..
17. Write nasty, abusive letters to them and then burn them in the garden. Making a voodoo doll of their image and stabbing it with darning needles also helps.
18. Remove all documents they put on your laptop.
19. Vow never to mention their name again; for example, ? becomes Shithead. Slowly Shithead will turn into ‘Who?’.
20. Above all else, hold your head up high and don’t look back. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Make new memories but please stay single for a while (special advice from my son there).

I bet you feel better already yeah? I know I do. Wipe that dust from your feet and move on, skipping as you go. You’re awesome and they didn’t deserve your presence in their life. No more wasting precious energy on someone who doesn’t give a flying fuck whether you’re in their life or not.

Love, tea and hugs to those who matter


4 thoughts on “Post break-up spring clean list of things to do

  1. Jessica

    Love all of your articles equally ..but I think I need to print this one off an A1 paper and put it up in my room to constantly remind myself..
    Wish there was an easy way we could protect ourselves from feelings …miss you xxx

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s