Another one of my rambling posts about everything and nothing. Typing this on my laptop for a change, it’s sooo much easier than trying to tap it all out on my phone….
I’m a little lost at the moment. Maybe it’s the kids being off school, maybe it’s because my family all *hate* me, maybe it’s because my heart is pissing me off …… could be for lots of reasons. I’ve been trying to do some mindfulness activities to ground me, focus on the here and now etc. It sort of helps but my anxiety is creeping back.
I’m sat here and I’m not really focusing on what I’m typing, I’m worrying about stuff that I have little or no control over whatsoever. I feel powerless, like those dreams where you need to make an emergency call but your fingers won’t move.
Where is my head at then?? No idea. I feel unsettled, restless, agitated …… it makes me want to scratch at my skin or punch a wall. Perhaps I am going down that horrible path of darkness again?
I have no energy to keep fighting. I’m not strong or brave or awesome, I’m pretty crap really. Not sure why people keep telling me how great I am. I’m a single parent with three quite difficult children, I have various health complaints, my family won’t speak to me as they don’t agree with how I am running my life…… you get the idea. Where’s the strength and bravery in that?
I feel abandoned by everyone.