I am a stoner


A kidney stoner ….. Although I may have been stoned once or twice during my life ….

I’m not really sure why I’m blogging about this but thought it might be of use to someone out there.

I’ve spent the last year or more getting urine infections, lower back pain, kidney pain …… Didn’t really think much of or it other than ‘argh…another fucking UTI’. Then a couple of months ago I had the most debilitating pain in my left side that caused me to crumple in a heap in the bathroom. I tweeted about this, naturally.

As quick as the pain came, it went. I though nothing more of it. A couple of weeks later I was sat watching DIY SOS, I had a cup of tea and a cake on the go, son was next to me (headphones on) playing some strategy game…… Life was perfection…. Ok, maybe it wasn’t and the TV that night was awful as it always is. Then BOOM! I think a train may have crashed into left abdomen. Somehow managed to crawl out of the room and collapse in the dining room.

Son oblivious to my screams, I inched off the dining room carpet, as the practical person in me knew it would be a good idea to puke on the kitchen Lino – not the carpet. I phoned 999 and was told to wait an hour for a paramedic to call me back! I phoned my mum …. She turned up and phoned 999… Same answer. Paramedic calls and tells me to wait another hour for a duty doctor. Meanwhile, I’m in so much pain, I’m considering ripping out my innards with my own hands. I cannot tell you how painful it was but to quote a cliche ‘worse than childbirth’ and I should know as the last two births I went through, the midwife took my gas and air …. Screaming in pain to the paramedic didn’t speed up the process so my dad took me to the hospital.

After 8 hours of waiting and tests I was admitted to hospital and discharged the next day being told it was a 5mm kidney stone but it’s probably gone. Needless to say I was pleased I was having a laparoscopy the next day ….. That took me a week to get over and life seemed ok again.

Two days later, kids out for the day, me looking forward to my friend’s hen do …. I get into bed with my breakfast and cuddle my cat and then ‘argh!!!!’. Here we go again. Crawl down the stairs and start punching the floor to help with the pain …. Just so you know, it doesn’t help with the pain but is an interesting distraction. Phone urgent GP care …. Nothing . Phone 111…. In between screams and vomiting I managed to tell them who I was etc to be met by ‘I don’t think you need an ambulance…… Then please shoot me…. Ok ……. I’m sending some paramedics’ ……

Paramedics arrive and seem rather non plussed by agony. At one point one of the paramedics insisted on asking me a string of questions whilst I was puking up my breakfast. Good citizen that I am, I answered all his questions in between heaves.

After much deliberation of what to do with me (walk in Center?!?!?!) a doctor told them to take me to A&E …. Praises be! Yay! Access to wonderful painkillers and IV fluids – bliss. Sort of.

Anyways, CT scan showed my kidney stone had moved but was stuck. Nil by mouth then ….. Monday they let me eat …. Tuesday ‘you’re going home’ er no actually nil by mouth again for surgery later ….. Collapse in bathroom after my nurse went AWOL …. Ok no surgery today you could have eaten (argh) ….. Surgery Wednesday so nil by mouth again ‘yay’ ……

So I had surgery, for the second time in two weeks!, and the bloody stone didn’t want to come out so they fitted a stent. Beyond uncomfortable so I had a night of oral morph and codeine which is probably a story for another day ….. It was rough.

So there we go…. The joys of a kidney stone. I’ve been told I need to drink more … Having lived most of life in a dehydrated haze ….. 3l apparently … Never going to happen!

The moral of the story is… Don’t get a kidney stone, they hurt like hell and cause all sorts of problems. Drink more …… Don’t bother phoning 999 if you have a pain worse than child birth, just get someone to drop you off on the floor of the hospital. Oral morph ain’t that great …. And collapsing in the ward bathroom is a good way if getting the staff to remind them hat you still exist – even if you didn’t actually mean to collapse.

Love, tea (been told to cut down … Never !!!) and hugs





2 thoughts on “I am a stoner

    • I feel for them! They are nasty, nasty things and I hope I never have another one.
      My stent is out now and I’m feeling a lot better, thanks 🙂 xxx

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