Everyone now and then a time hop (other products may exist!) pops up on my FB feed to remind me of something that I knew nothing about in the first place. A child’s birth or an anniversary or just a great day meal this person happened to have. Yes, I’m being a misery but bear with me!
Every time I see one I think to myself ‘thank goodness I don’t have that!’. There a lots of things in my life that I enjoy remembering and those memories will always be held in my heart. There’s also lots of things I’d rather not remember. This is how it might go ….
April 2007 wedding day – worst day of my like so far! Weeping quietly to myself in the hotel room. What have I done?!
April 2009 Gave birth to my third child today, a beautiful girl. Husband celebrated by head butting and punching the wall then demanded I discharge myself. Home now, feel free to pop over when my husband allows you too.
Dec 2011 today we had our house repossessed! What a lovely Christmas present for the children.
Sept 2012 rushing around like a tornado trying to pack all of our belongings into three cars to escape my abusive husband. At least the sun is shining.
Jan 2014 today I tried to kill myself so I apologise for the lack of comms.
October 2014 well, that was an eventful few days. Ex found not guilty of raping and sexually abusing me. Off to have dinner with family.
I’m quite proud of myself for being able to inject some humour into these memories. As my nan used to say ‘you have to laugh otherwise you’d cry’. I think it’s called gallows humour….and is a much needed survival mechanism for those of us who have experienced trauma.
Until I’ve found away to process my traumas, I’ll always be bound by my past. Your past shapes who you are and what you become (having said that, a traumatic past is not an excuse to go and cause others trauma). I’m now in a place where I have discovered feminism and sisterhood, I doubt I ever would have if I hadn’t been through what I did. The negative experiences in my life created a deep empathy with other women that I would never have gained through a life of comfort and joy.
When I do get moments of contentment and happiness, they rush through my body like champagne. However fleeting they are, they are mine and no one can take them away from me.
Yours in sisterhood