#NewParty #Brexit My Manifesto for A Working Class Women’s Party (Pt.1)

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Now, here’s an idea… The country’s in a completely Brexit meltdown of a mess. Politicians have abandoned us (or at least, that’s what it feels like) so there’s no one at the helm guiding the boat to safer waters. Even when the politicians do get their act together, I can honestly say that none of them inspire me that much. There may well be some wonderful back benchers, like the late and great Jo Cox MP, but we never hear about those doing good work. 
The conclusion I’ve reached is that we need a new party on the block. A working class women’s party (I’m including women on benefits who can’t work, like me, too) – thanks to Claire for that. I guess that makes the party the WCWP …. And yes I know that there is a WEP but they aren’t up to much. Very London centric and aimed at the middle classes, mores the pity. 
As I started this, I get to be PM (until I’m ousted when everyone realises I need to nap every 2 hours!). I’d also appreciate it if I can be minister for crochet please. 
A few positions have been filled already (not naming names or @ unless you want me to, happy to edit): 
PM

Deputy 

Chancellor 

Health secretary 

Secretary of State for DWP

Minister for agriculture and fishing 

Equalities minister 

Minister for economic ingenuity 

Hampstead liberal/Prosecco socialist 

US ambassador for all things lovely inc whiskey, pizza and puppies 
I’m never sure which is a minister or Secretary of State but I’m not sure it really matters. 
Quite a few job opportunities out there, just @ me on Twitter or comment on this blog and I’ll add you. 
WCWP need: 
Home Office 

Foreign Office 

Education

End of VAWG 

BAME minister 

Minister for cats 

Transport 

Industry 

Umm …. Just had a look online and there’s loads and I’m sure there are some we can invent whilst we are at it. 
Now there’s just the simple task of a manifesto and I’m keeping positive that we can all agree on it *eeek* 
Here are some ideas we can get our teeth into …
Ending VAWG is an obvious one 

End poverty by taxing rich people 

Female only safe spaces 

Children and teens taught stuff like how to fix a dripping tap, arts and crafts, cooking lessons that are actually of some use in the real world. Then sex education focusing on respect, consent and empowerment. 

I have to confess that I’m getting tired now and my brain isn’t working so this isn’t even the start of this. Feedback more than welcome. 
Love, tea and hugs 

Exxx 

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New Years Resolutions 

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I know, I know New Years resolutions are as uncool as tinsel and the word uncool but l happen to like tinsel and using the 1st of Jan as an excuse to rethink my life. 
1. Rethink my body image. I’m now 9st and I’m still putting on weight. Having been plagued with an eating disorder since I was 9, this is new territory for me and I hate it. Every day I look in the mirror, I don’t recognise my body anymore. I worry that people who know me will see me and think ‘wow, she’s put on weight!’. I do need to rethink my diet but I also need to accept my new body shape. It’s not the end of the world, just the end of my ultra slimness. 

2. Get off my fucking phone. This should be easier than it sounds as my phone is old and the battery dies on me at 30%! I want to concentrate on my crochet and art.

3. I need to get my teeth into my Women Together project. I don’t think we’ll really feel the full impact of the cuts until the end of 2016 which is a scary thought as things are bad enough already. My goal for the year is to offer more practical help rather than tweets and FB posts. I have a lot of stuff to go on the website – which I’ve yet to find on a Google search! Also, some way of setting up a fund for helping women would be really great. 

4. Buffer zones for abortion clinics – I’ve been working on this for over a year now and I’ve not made a lot of progress. There are now two petitions out there in the ether – check out my blog posts for more info. Hoping that 2016 is a productive and protective year for it. 

5. Seeing my life as worthwhile and meaningful. I need to stop wishing away the days and try to enjoy the year with my children. It’s so easy to get bogged down in it all and to think that life will be better/easier when another milestone is reached. I’m very lucky to have three fab children who may be challenging but certainly not dull! 

6. Get out in the garden more. I moved into this house last spring and I’m looking forward to turning my garden into a little oasis of green for as little money as possible. It’s not a very big garden however, there’s plenty of space for some nice plants. 

7. Find a way to manage my ME/ CFS better hahahahaha!!! I can try. Either that or I need to win the lottery so that I can afford a cleaner and taxis…. Pacing your activity is nigh on impossible when you’re on your own with three kids. My family and boyfriend help when they can but I need to know I can do it all by myself. Perhaps it’s my pride, I just want to feel like I’m making a fair contribution to the life I have and the lives that I created. 

8. And finally …. Not really a resolution….this is the second year anniversary of my suicide attempt – New Year’s Day 2014. It doesn’t feel as poignant as last year, there’s a sense that I’ve moved on a lot since then. I’m glad that I am still here, still alive and experiencing life from the Sun’s heat on my face to the cuddles at bedtime with my children. I could have been two years dead and life would have been so very different for my children, different in a bad and dark way. Whilst I’ll never be the life and soul of the party, I hope with every atom of my body that I will never feel that desperate again. 

So there you have it. That’s my list for 2016, I’m sure I’ll think of more to add. In the general scheme of the relentless march of time, a new year doesn’t really mean a lot but I see it as a chance to try again and put my failures behind me. Maybe give it a go and be uncool too! 
Love and hugs and all the best for 2016. May it be full of tea and crochet if that floats your boat.

Exxx 

PS one more …. Get my poems published in my own book …. 

Happy New Year – Happy Anniversary

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Well, at approx 4.30pm on the 1st Jan 2014, I took an overdose of lorazepam. I’ve sort of been waiting for this day to come to say ‘hey, it’s been a whole year since I tried to kill myself!’ And now I don’t know what to write …..

I lost approx 14 hrs to being unconscious. I remember lying down in the ambulance and waking up on a ward on the morning of Jan 2nd. I was duly kicked out of my bed and put in a chair as someone else needed the bed …. I sat in that chair for hours and not one person checked up on me. I had a brief meeting with some MH people who told me I had to see my GP in two days time.

It was awful and lonely and desperate. I wished I hadn’t woken up as life was somehow more difficult now.

So, it’s been a year and it’s been a struggle ….. I’ve had some good times and I’ve had some pretty shitty times … I’m disappointed that my life is pretty much where I left it in the ambulance. It’s like I’ve come full circle, only this time I’m more in control of my MH and not feeling so distressed and suicidal.

I feel sad to be sat here on my own on NYE but I’ve done it before and got through it. There’s lots of us sat about, feeling slightly (or extremely) lost this evening.

I have to recognise that I have slipped back a bit, regressed a bit…. And I need to make sure that 2015 is the year that I start fighting back. I know New Years resolutions aren’t cool but here are a few of mine ….

Stay single!!!!!! That’s actually quite easy as I have no social life and there’s no queue of people waiting to date me. Haha

Love myself and be more positive about myself.

Try to do more stuff with my children – rage against the CFS! They deserve better.

Get creative … This is part of who I am and I constantly neglect it. We all need our hobbies.

Heal, heal, heal …….. And maybe take up yoga …..

Oh and world peace 😉

So I will see you all on the other side of the calendar ….
Have a good one
Love, tea and hugs
Exxx

Farewell, for now anyway.

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I’m stepping back from social media for a few weeks. This will be quite difficult for me as I have become quite dependent on it. I wouldn’t say it’s an addiction, more an outlet for all the nonsense in my brain.

Hoping this sabbatical will be a positive move. I deactivated my Facebook account last December and never regretted it. It was actually a huge weight off my shoulders.

This will be harder ….. I enjoy interacting with people and having a voice. In real life, I don’t have a voice at all and today that got slightly worse …… I can’t tell you why. I understand the reasons, it’s a just I already feel alone and isolated so perhaps it hurt more than it should have. Anyway, I’ll only be away for a few weeks.

I have some very important stuff coming up so I need to protect myself and prepare for the hurricane. Once the storm has passed, maybe I’ll finally be allowed to talk about what happened to me.

I’m scared, I’m scared of so many things but what worries me the most is losing the support of people I care about. I realise my life choices have created this distance….. How I feel right now is alone and vulnerable. I’m beginning to believe that there’s something wrong with me so that’s why my life is how it is right now.

Before I bow out, I want you to know that I’m not perfect, I get things wrong and I screw things up. I need to go off and do what I need to do and maybe then I can move on and start again. It’s the hurdle that has been looming for two years now, I mustn’t let myself down as my life depends on it.

Now go and have tea and cake for me
Love Exxx